Earlier published here : https://medium.com/@teatattler/the-un-ease-of-being-as-an-urban-dweller-c85dd7341ebb
It’s 4 p.m. on a Sunday. You walk into one of the new cafes opened inside a gated community near you. For the convenience & comfort of the residents there, but still open to all because, business. Now the thing about gated communities is that they are great, they are safe, but they can also be unnecessarily intimidating most times. Every thing turns into a show you have to put on, and everyone is a performer. Why? Who is the audience? It is completely forgotten that there is no audience.
So you sit down and order a coffee and a croissant and as you do this, you notice that you are conscious of the way you pronounce ‘croissant’. It’s a word you know how to pronounce and yet you’re on high alert till it is out of your mouth. And then you see the server (‘waiter’ didn’t sound very ‘gated community’) also being on ‘alert mode’ trying hard to sound polished and be accepted. Some barriers are broken through the course of the hour, as you insert a Hindi word here & there, like “accha” (or even when you opt for ‘regular water’ over ‘mineral water’! :D), and this does relax him a little, it also relaxes you a teeny bit.. But you’re still both a part of a ‘space’ that feels bigger than you.
Well, atleast you’re both going back to your homes eventually & you can let your hair down.. but this gets challenging when homes too become a place that don’t offer this ease of being we expect to have.
As urban dwellers, at the core or depth of our beings, these are the things we really strive for: the ease of being. Not just externally (in terms of clean air / less pollution or less honking of vehicles), but also within ourselves. How comfortable are you moving around things, objects and people? How comfortable are you in your own skin?
The other day, I visited a co-working space after ages, it was one that I used to frequent during late lockdown (pandemic) days. I realised how wary I was during every move, how self-conscious I was while doing small things like getting my own coffee, lest I ‘appear’ confused and draw attention to myself (because that’s the last thing I want). How self-conscious I was just moving around that space! And it got me thinking about how few others around me are also on the same page, and then there are those who have developed the confidence to move around, and are sub-consciously glorified by few others.. All this for what? Just for being comfortable and confidently moving within that space?
It all felt like a weird matrix and I realised that as an urban dweller, this extends to everything: We have built spaces that envelop us, that are always intimidating and are bigger than us. That force us to dress & move in certain ways so as to align with the (capitalist?) energies of the space, and because this is somehow rewarded, it boosts our self-worth and so, we want to stay in this bubble. It shapes all our choices. We strive for objects and things that reflect this ‘bigger than self’ or ‘exclusive’ quality, forming tribes based on this as a foundation!!!
But, but, but… why are we spending our energies this way?
Walkable cities, efficient public transport, good roads are ofcourse great things to strive for. But why are we building spaces that create boundaries? Within ourselves and also those around us?
It seems like we have been doing this not through physical spaces alone, but through our marketing language, through our thoughts and on an energetic level.
Back to the gated community, I noticed as I left the cafe that were a few old aunties & uncles out for a walk. And some of them could easily use some genuine relaxation. Don’t get me wrong — the walking is relaxing on a physical level, but all that dressing up a certain way so as to fit in, just to go for a walk in your living premises, was ironically not making it very relaxing.
I am not against luxury (I am all for indulgence & comfort), but on an energetic level, why are we not striving for, or attracting, a sense of belongingness over a sense of exclusivity? Surely luxury and belongingness can co-exist. I think it’s high time we as urban dwellers started asking ourselves if we are performing or being. It will take a whole load off our shoulders and have our energies focused on meaningful pursuits. Because, really, if we are all performing, who is it for? Remember, there is no audience.